Hey guys, I know this is not like my normal post on this server/website but I honestly want to do this.
I am giving you guys a fair warning I will be talking about (maybe not all of them but ehhh)Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) || Anxiety || Depression || Anorexia
I know a couple people know this about be but I do battle with PTSD || Depression || Anxiety & Anorexia. Lot of these issues were caused by my old livening situation, I have been out of the situation for 3 years and I still have flare up's where I loose control for a couple hours - couple days of how I feel (mood swings), will push everyone away, to having relapses of forcing my self to throw up after eating or doing self harm. -- I try my best to not do these anymore but when I get into the mindset where nothing matters and there isnt a point to anything I loose control over everything.
A lot of you have probably my activity has been declining or is very weird, where I will go days without being on the sever or talking in the discord... Well that's because I had a huge flare up this last month, I basically kept this from everyone even the people im closest to dont really know.
During this relapse I get back into the cycle of not eating and if I did eat I would make my self sick afterwards, just to put this in perspective I went from being about 115 pounds to less then 80 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. This wasn't just a Eating disorder relapse either, I went back to doing self harm a lot more and even attempted to take my own life again... which is something I haven't tried or thought about in over 2 years.
I made up excuses why I wasn't active on the discord and the server saying "I need to finish my assignments for school before the Holiday break" or "I am really stressed because its the holidays and school so im going to take a couple days off." Now this was true but it wasn't the true reason why I wasn't active I didn't want to accept help.
Over the last couple weeks I have gotten mostly everything back under control besides my mood swings where I go from being completely okay to wanting to sit in a corner in my room and just cry (Expect I wont do anything to harm myself anymore).
I am basically making this post to explain why I have been so inactive especially this last month, I want to make a huge apology towards the staff team for not telling the whole truth of why I was inactive. I also would like to say sorry to the community, I know I have a responsibility to make content for the YouTube channel which will be up shortly - Just need a few days to edit the content I have saved on my hard-drive
P.S -- Sorry if something like this is not meant for the server website, I will take it down if needed.
-Tasha || Foxx <3